I was thoroughly enjoying the art every day month challenge. As I awoke each day, I’d stay alert for inspiration for that day’s art. Yet, with no reason at all, I became extremely depressed. It was not the art. It was not my husband’s insane work schedule. It was not my children’s daily antics. I just get depressed seasonally. If you look back in my archives, I have a post near this time a year ago about being depressed. This is the first year I truly recognized this as a disorder rather than just depression. It finally occurred to me after over 20 years of living through this that it was more than just another slump. There is a pattern.
Seasonal Depression Symptoms
Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) may have some of the same symptoms as other types of depression.
- Most people have only some of these symptoms, not all.
- Depressed mood
- Loss of interest in usually enjoyable activities
- Fatigue or loss of energy
- Feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness
- Poor concentration, indecisiveness
- Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide
- The symptoms of SAD come back every year, and for any specific person, they tend to come and go at about the same time each year.
After quite a bit of research, I armed myself with the natural approach to relief. I am naturally Vitamin D deficient, so it is not a surprise that when I get less sun, I get depressed. I’m taking cod liver oil, calcium-magnesium citrate with Vitamin D, and St. John’s Wort. These supplements are already helping. The whistle and song is back on my lips. I am beginning to laugh again.
While tolerating this depression, I live in another world. My depressed world is not reality. I am aware of this even when I am there, otherwise I would reach utter despair. I do have suicidal thoughts, I feel completely worthless, I just want to hide, but at the same time want to be near people I trust just to be somehow plugged into reality. I don’t really communicate with the people I surround myself with, but I want them there nonetheless.
My saving grace is always my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Although I feel one way, I look to Him and trust Him and just have Him hold me as I want to just wither away and die. It is hard. It is strange. I am so glad He understands, because even I don’t.
I’m feeling so much better now, of which I am so grateful since we will be spending Thanksgiving with family. Thank you, Lord, for making me well so I can truly be thankful on this holiday.