Amanda Jolley

Studio Joy

Seasonal affective disorder

I was thoroughly enjoying the art every day month challenge. As I awoke each day, I’d stay alert for inspiration for that day’s art. Yet, with no reason at all, I became extremely depressed. It was not the art. It was not my husband’s insane work schedule. It was not my children’s daily antics. I just get depressed seasonally. If you look back in my archives, I have a post near this time a year ago about being depressed. This is the first year I truly recognized this as a disorder rather than just depression. It finally occurred to me after over 20 years of living through this that it was more than just another slump. There is a pattern.

Seasonal Depression Symptoms

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) may have some of the same symptoms as other types of depression.

  • Most people have only some of these symptoms, not all.
    • Depressed mood
    • Loss of interest in usually enjoyable activities
    • Fatigue or loss of energy
    • Feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness
    • Poor concentration, indecisiveness
    • Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide
  • The symptoms of SAD come back every year, and for any specific person, they tend to come and go at about the same time each year.

After quite a bit of research, I armed myself with the natural approach to relief. I am naturally Vitamin D deficient, so it is not a surprise that when I get less sun, I get depressed. I’m taking cod liver oil, calcium-magnesium citrate with Vitamin D, and St. John’s Wort. These supplements are already helping. The whistle and song is back on my lips. I am beginning to laugh again.

While tolerating this depression, I live in another world. My depressed world is not reality. I am aware of this even when I am there, otherwise I would reach utter despair. I do have suicidal thoughts, I feel completely worthless, I just want to hide, but at the same time want to be near people I trust just to be somehow plugged into reality. I don’t really communicate with the people I surround myself with, but I want them there nonetheless.

My saving grace is always my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Although I feel one way, I look to Him and trust Him and just have Him hold me as I want to just wither away and die. It is hard. It is strange. I am so glad He understands, because even I don’t.

I’m feeling so much better now, of which I am so grateful since we will be spending Thanksgiving with family. Thank you, Lord, for making me well so I can truly be thankful on this holiday.

amanda ∞

13 Comments on “Seasonal affective disorder”

  1. Amanda, bless you for so openly sharing. I posted awhile back about my own struggles with depression. Mine comes and goes all year long, but is pronounced when there is no sun. I may try your vitamin suggestion. P.S. The sun is out in all it’s glory today, but it is so chilly.
    Have a wondeful Thanksgiving my friend. Love Tami

  2. Amanda, I will pray for you as you struggle through this season of winter. It can be so tough, sometimes we fell it may never end ~ and yet after winter comes spring, a season of much activity! Spring is a time to anticipate summer; it is a time to have hope that there will be much new growth. And as much as I hate the winter, I am glad my life isn’t the continual busyness of summer!

  3. Hi! Haven’t commented in a while, but I drop by from time to time to read and see your lovely art projects. I’m so glad you are finding help for the S.A.D. It’s a very real disorder. Have you been able to try the light therapy, too? I’ve heard it’s effective.

    I really admire your creativity!

  4. Amanda, i seem to go through this too. especially as the days grow shorter. i fight it as hard as i can, like you. i am behind on my art everyday, but i am happy she said we could post something weekly or daily. i am going to start again tommorow. i’ll pray for you and you pray for me? love nita <3

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  6. hugs amanda – the lack of vit d does this to me each year (spring here at the mo though) esp as the mountains around us give us short days (we had sun for 45 mins on the shortest day this year!!!).

  7. Dear Amanda,
    I am so blessed to read this…I too have bouts of depression. I am praying for you today, Amanda.
    Love, Carrie (formerly livingonthemeadow, now pinemeadowfarm)

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