Amanda Jolley

Studio Joy

Detach Attach

In constant flux, just when I feel connected, it’s time to let go. I’m talking about people, groups, whatever. I have 2 constants, my relationship with God and my family. Everything else seems subject to change. I’m just mourning the loss of friends and teachers, wondering what will come next. Detach.

I get excited about things, relationships, people, especially when I feel I have made a new friend. But the hurt of loss makes me fearful at times of ever trying again, of taking steps toward a new friendship, of reaching out. I so easily feel rejected, but I hunger for more than the superficial. I have that tender pain in my chest. Detach.

When I serve others, like at VERONICA’s Voice, it is different. I am just there to completely give of myself with no expectations.

It’s different with relationships. I expect communication and effort from both sides. When it seems this is happening, I think FINALLY. Attach.

But perhaps sometimes I am hasty or hopeful or delusional. Detach.

And sometimes I’m the one who really needs to move on. Detach.

amanda ∞

3 Comments on “Detach Attach”

  1. Boy, I am right with you there. I am going through some heavy duty detaching as my family is heading on a path different than that which others we have spent the last several years with. It makes you wonder sometimes if the attaching is worth it.

  2. I so relate to this post. I used to feel very the same way. Depleted seems to be a good word for it, and yes longing for something real. God’s been doing such a great work in me throughout the years. He’s helped me to realize that all my relationships whether they be deeply intimate or acquaintance casual are opportunities. They create the setting for which He can best be seen through my life, and allow me room to grow as I become more like Him. It’s in caring for others that I best understand how much He cares for me. I now know that it is in our relationships, most of all, that God cares how we live and relate … especially to Him. Anyway, I can honestly say that He’s brought me to a place where I’m satisfied and happy to simply be an expression of Him … no matter what I might get in return. Attach away! 😉

  3. Amanda,

    Do you think relationships outside of your family have gotten harder? It seems that family responsibilities somehow interfere with having a good friend. Since moving to Alexandria, for the first time in my life I don’t have a good female friend. But… I know too that I feel I don’t have too much to give to a friendship. I think I would be a taker and I hold back, way back.

    You know, I’d answer your question, but I think it would be long enough to be another blog entry.

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