Amanda Jolley

Studio Joy


These verses really struck a chord with me today:2 Peter 2:6-9 And turning the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah into ashes condemned them with an overthrow, making them an example unto those that after should live ungodly; (7) And delivered just Lot, vexed with the filthy conversation of the wicked: (8) (For that righteous man dwelling among them, in seeing and hearing, vexed his righteous soul from day to day with their unlawful deeds); (italics and bold print added by me)

Lately I have been struggling with my heart hardening towards the “street people.” I think it has much to do with becoming a part of Yolanda’s life. From experiencing firsthand the deception involved with a life lived on the streets, I have become disgusted with the lifestyle. I’ve grown weary of seeing it. I see the same people day after day living in their own filth. I see the same faces standing at the same corners begging for money; and later I see them stumbling down the street.

Lord, I am vexed with the filthy conversation of the wicked.

I don’t see Yolanda anymore. She’s moved elsewhere. I still pray that God captures her heart. I pray that our family’s involvement in her life may have shown her a glimpse of real love, free love.

My heart wavers from deep compassion on these lost and desperate souls to total disgust at seeing them. Some days I want to be delivered from this place, just as Lot was. Other days I know this is where I am supposed to be. Is there a balance? How do I find it?

One thing this struggle has revealed to me is the depth of compassion of my Lord. How can He see all of the wickedness on this earth and let us continue? (We’re studying WWII right now which isn’t helping these feelings.) Which leads to the question: Why did He ever desire me? How could He stand me before I became His child? And even now, my only redeeming quality is not my own, but my Savior’s righteousness. How could He ever stand wooing me when I rejected Him time and again? Ah, the great patience and depth of love of my Father. Were it not for my relationship with Him, I could have no compassion for these people who vex me so.

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