This is the first page of my Moleskine. The concept for this page is from Sarah Whitmire at Caspiana and her Soul Journaling prompts. Written in sparkly gold gel pen over the green paint are the words:
This book contains TRUTH! If you are not ready to receive, this book is not for your eyes. No Judgment Allowed. Remove your lens and look through mine.
The Bible text is Ephesians 6:10-20. I glued the knight over the gesso and painted it red (washed in Christ’s blood), then glued the Bible text down, painted green over the red except over the knight (new life in Christ), and then used white gel pen to detail the red knight (Christ’s holiness and purity covering me).
It has been a week since our last meal served at VERONICA’s Voice. While I was really busy throughout the week catching up on Latin and life, the reality of this loss seems to just be hitting me. I feel as though there has been a death. My heart is grieving. I feel I am going through the stages of grief in a minor way, been through detachment and anger, and now depression. Although not truly depressed, I am feeling quite reflective and lonely. Right now I just need a shoulder to cry on, just one long good cry, so I can release this grief. I need to share all the details of what is hanging in my mind. I completely trust that God has all the details worked out, and everything will work for His glory. Right now I’m just dealing with my own tender state.
You’re probably thinking, “Oh my gosh, lady. You were just serving lunch. What is the big deal? Get over it and enjoy your free time.”
So here’s a struggle of mine on occasion, like right now: I would love to pour my heart out and let you all know all the details of why this is so difficult for me, but that might put others in a negative light. Where do I draw the line? Even if I were to tell one friend privately, where would I draw the line? How much is okay to share? Nothing, probably. If that is true, do I just absorb these emotions? If I absorb them now, how will they reveal themselves later?
Tender. Reflective. Aching.