Balance is a continuous theme in my life. Probably because life is not stagnant. I love change, but always have a difficult time finding the new balance in change.
I had a rough summer. My husband was gone for long periods for much of his work. My empathy for single mothers rose significantly. As I balanced life without his presence, my weakness and inadequacies became very evident. This is not all bad as I drew closer and much more dependent on God’s Word and my prayer life took on a new level.
Now another change is approaching. We will begin school on Monday. This week has been one of preparation and planning so we can start fresh. A recurring theme is presenting itself, one I face each year. How do I stay involved, interested, enthused throughout the WHOLE school year? How can I be a better teacher for my children?
This past year God has directed me to rest from many extra activities like leading our homeschool group and Keepers of the Faith club. He took me on a journey of creativity. I have found that I am able to bear a much heavier load or work through issues in my creative time. It is important for me to incorporate this into my school year so that I am able to stay fresh and charged up as teacher, mom, wife….
When my children were younger, we used a family schedule so as not to waste our time and to free me from directing my childrens’ every moment. The schedule allowed us all greater independence. The last couple years we have not used a schedule, but we are going to implement one again. This will allow each of us to accomplish our specific priorities that get set aside when we don’t plan. Mine would be time in my art studio, my daughter’s would be cooking and creative time, and my son’s would be playing games and writing comic books. What led me back to scheduling? My children took the initiative this summer and each created their own schedule so that they wouldn’t waste away their time. Often the teacher is the student.
Besides scheduling our priorities, God has made it evident that my year of rest is over. He has led me to help on Sunday mornings with the elementary art class, and the kids and I will begin volunteering at the Kansas City Urban Youth Center once a week when the public school year begins. Although I will have a time to get acclimated, I am hoping to introduce art journaling to the kids there.
God always accomplishes His plan. In my life He used this very difficult summer to make me even more dependent upon Him. This year I’m allowing Him to work out the balance and direct my “schedule” more so than ever before. Although change is afoot, I am at peace because I’m not trying to juggle it all. With God, balancing has become much less wobbly.
I’ve desired to know how to draw for years. After several tries with “learn to draw or sketch” books with instructions and suggestions, I’ve finally decided that The New Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain was worth the time investment it would take to read. It is more than a “learn to draw” book, but rather a “learn to see” book as it delves into the functions of the left and right sides of the brain. Combine this with the Artist’s Way and I have a fresh perspective on the walls I’ve built around creativity.
According to Julia Cameron, author of The New Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain:
The left hemisphere [of the brain] analyzes, abstracts, counts, marks time, plans stop-by-stop procedures, verbalizes, and makes rational statements based on logic.
Using the right hemisphere, we understand metaphors, we dream, we create new combinations of ideas. When something is too complex to describe, we can make gestures that communicate…and we are able to draw pictures of our perceptions.
Her book has many more examples of L-mode (left hemisphere mode) and R-mode characteristics. I absorbed them all eagerly, fascinated. All the while a thought was making its way to the surface:
I have been taught somewhere along the way that R-mode is bad and L-mode is good.
Now I understand why I loved playing the piano. I knew the keyboard well and would switch to R-mode as I played. I felt free and alive, but I never felt comfortable playing the piano in front of others. Somewhere along the line, I also learned that revealing one’s soul was bad and that is what I did in R-mode. No wonder it has taken me this long in life to let go and truly express myself. I was putting my soul under the guillotine every time I left L-mode.
I entered college with a piano scholarship. As part of the scholarship, I received money and also piano lessons from an excellent instructor. The catch was that I had to accompany vocal soloists to receive the scholarship. I made it through two semesters and then caved because of the pressure of having to play in front of others. But my piano instructor was so unbelievably fabulous. I could play in front of him. He introduced me to some of my favorite music and taught me so much. After the scholarship ended, so did my piano playing. I was 18.
Back to L-mode, this is the mode in which I have learned to function. Something deep within me kept turning me towards the creative, but every time I would get slightly involved, my L-mode self would tell my R-mode self that I didn’t have time to do those unimportant things, like learning to draw. And my R-mode was still was extremely self-conscious.
As I began down the path with my altered hymnal, something inside me awakened. Still the only time I would allow myself to work on the pages was when I was alone. (Being a homeschool mom with a self-employed husband does not allow for much alone time.) The more I worked on the book, the more I wanted to learn. With the more I learned and experienced, the more I felt that this is what I was supposed to be doing. And then my L-mode would kick me in the pants and tell me that I was wasting time again.
The combination of these two books have given me a creative freedom that is also allowing me to be fully who God created me to be. I no longer view the creative mode as a “treat” that I might get at the end of the day - if I have time and am not too tired. My right hemisphere is rejoicing as I allow it freedom to roam almost all day. I am once again reminded of the childhood me that always thought of herself in 3rd person. My life was a story that was being continually played out. I was narrator and also the main character, She.
Some side affects of this freedom include a little messier house, and a lost concept of time. My stomach is the only clock left. Okay, also the coffee alarm. The difficult part is breaking bad habits and finding that delicate balance between creative freedom and irresponsibility. I am also learning to allow the kids more creative freedom in their school day. School can take longer this way, but is much more enjoyable along the way. In this I am also still finding balance.
And now, because I am practicing and learning to let go of all fears, I’m revealing my first self portrait and my hand. These were to be done with no instruction yet as to how to draw. After I work my way through the entire book, I am going to post a comparison self portrait. I’m hoping by then to conquer that dang nose.
At this point, I would appreciate no comments about my drawing, even if they are encouraging. Thank you.