God’s Word « Hidden Art

Category: God’s Word

Sep 06

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

ee cummings

The theme of my friend, Andria‘s, circle journal is based on this poem. Andria is one cool chick, a writer, a teacher, a gal with a heart to share her passion with others. I met her at Artfest in 2008 and am so glad I did. She is one of the highlights of my Artfest experience.

The above pages are my addition to her journal. I’m finding my art journaling becoming much more simplistic. I love layers and hidden treasure, but am finding myself more and more satisfied with a cleaner process.

This simplistic style may also be a representation of the changes my life and heart have experienced this year. So many layers of others’ beliefs that I had thought were my own have been stripped away; layers about money, education, boundaries, life experiences, relationships, secrets, all gone. If you’ve been wondering why my blog has been so quiet, I’ve been totally engulfed in renewing my mind.

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. Romans 12: 1-2

Transformation is a continual process. Because I have arrived here does not mean I am at my destination. But now I am content to find my place once again in the ebb and flow of life.

amanda ∞

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Posted in Art, Art Journal, God's Word, God's leading, Hidden Art, Transformation

Jan 17

Why do I do it?

I was wondering this question, why do I do it?, earlier this week. The “it” would be teaching classes from my home, but the pondering grew even larger to art in general. Wouldn’t my life just be easier if I just covered the basics of partnering in my husband’s business and homeschooling those teens of ours, and dropped all this crazy art mess?

This all came from the feeling of failure. I had an Intro to Soldering class scheduled for Sat (yesterday). A couple weeks ago I thought my soldering class was almost to capacity, but by Tuesday of this past week I only had two people that had registered by prepaying. While the class did fill back up to a nice size before Saturday, I think this experience was good for me to truly take inventory of the value of the classes.

My motive for teaching classes:

to cover the costs of art supplies for the teaching I do at Veronica’s Voice without affecting the family budget
to cover costs of classes and workshops that I take myself so that I continue to have fresh ideas and techniques to teach at Veronica’s Voice
the joy I receive from sharing something I love with others

But I really don’t like to be on the roller coaster of class registration. I have found that if a person does not prepay for class, there is an 90% chance that the person will not make it to class. This statistic includes my friends and acquaintances.

I truly understand when things come up and the plans made need to shift. A good set of priorities is a must. But I also believe that often times we do desire to do something, but don’t make the actual commitment to do that thing. We just throw that desire out there and if it works great, but if things get hectic it’s the first thing to go. I know I’ve done this. Usually when my desire lacks the commitment to make it happen, I succumb to the activities that easily fill its place, the this and that.

My favorite book addresses the issue of making vows:

But let your statement be, ‘Yes yes’ or ‘No, no’; anything beyond these is of evil. Matt. 5:37

A vow or oath is simply a solemn promise, pledge, or personal commitment.

After this latest roller coaster ride, I really want to change this about myself because I don’t like the feeling when it happens to me. Next time I desire to do something, I will either make the commitment and follow through, or be silent. And I already know this will be difficult. There is something within me that wants to please others, so I’d rather say “yes” and back out later, than be noncommittal.

And to close this topic, for those of you who were not able to make it to class, I want you to know that I do understand. This post is not shooting an arrow at you, but is rather about me just recording the learning process of my own life.

Class photos from yesterday:

I am so incredibly inspired to see others in creative mode. Personalities really shine through in the jewelry and art journals that come from the classes. Each piece tells a personal story. After class was over and I was cleaning up, I reflected on all the reasons why I truly love to teach. It’s worth the roller coaster.

And now to the reasons I could not give up art:

when I do not make time in my life to do creative things, I wilt
it has become impossible for me to separate art from living and breathing
even if I stopped producing anything artistic, my mind would still process shadows, colors and images through an artistic lens
God made me to be creative. I would be going against His design to try to not be what He made me to be

amanda ∞

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Posted in Art, God's Word, VERONICA's Voice Art CED2010 classes commitment creative failure roller coaster soldering teaching VERONICA's Voice vow

Dec 31

UNSAFE by choice in 2010 and beyond

My theme for 2010: UNSAFE. I choose to live my life unsafely.
I will:

be bold
put my heart on the table
make art that speaks LOUDLY
risk rejection
give myself wholly as God commands
surely offend someone
get hurt
heal and grow
live a life focused on helping others
trust

Today I’ve seen so many well wishes for 2010 including the phrase, “Be safe.” While I totally understand the intent of this phrase for a night like tonight, “Be safe” has struck a nerve within my stubborn and passionate self. “Be Safe” to me is a command, and I choose to say NO. (Let me qualify this statement. I am not referring to drinking and driving.)

My heroes sum it up. Meet Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, Jews living in captivity in Babylon. Unwilling to bow to the king’s very large golden image upon risk of death by fiery furnace, these bold men said right to the king’s face:

O Nebuchadnezzar (the king), we are not careful (full of care) to answer thee in this matter. If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king. But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up.

Did you catch that? They knew God was able to deliver them from the furnace, but were willing to die either way. They definitely did not make a safe choice. (By the way, God did deliver them. Check out Daniel 3 for the whole story.)

I don’t want to make choices that are comfortable, relevant, trendy, or safe just because the outcome of the choices would make my life easier or more socially accepted. I want to live boldly, serving and giving in ways that may be difficult, challenging, or risky. While I will not go looking for danger, I’ve found that following God’s lead makes life quite interesting.

Wishing you all a fruitful 2010 full of boldness, risks and adventure.

amanda ∞

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Posted in Art, Art Journal, God's Word, God's leading, Hidden Art 2010 bold Daniel 3 risk theme unsafe

Nov 04

Fried Chicken Permeates

In preparation for my upcoming trip to Amsterdam, my husband did the grocery shopping. He came home with the makings for some delicious meals, and last night he cooked the most scrumptious fried chicken. The smell of this comfort food permeated our home, our clothes, our hair. When I went out last evening, I smelled the chicken. When I awoke in the night, I smelled the chicken. And today as I packed my bags, I still smelled remnants of that delicious meal. Fried chicken will ever remind me of Amsterdam and I’m not even there yet. The smell also reminds me of what a loving husband I have.

So I’ve been trying to wrap up loose ends before I leave in the morning. Today I got another circle journal passed on its way. The theme for this journal was Virtue & Vice.

My addition to this journal:

Vice

Virtue

It’s hard to see, but I wrote lots on the Virtue page in white gel pen. After building a basic collage for each page, I had fun with spray paint, stencils, and a rarity for me, glitter.

My heart is displayed on the page as the words reflect my view on Virtue and Vice:

I’ve made enough bad choices in this life. I’d prefer the good, but that doesn’t always happen.

According to Noah Webster:

Virtue: Moral goodness; the practice of moral duties and the abstaining from vice, or a conformity of life and conversation to the moral law. In this sense, virtue may be, and in many instances must be, distinguished from religion. The practice of moral duties merely from motives of convenience, or from compulsion, or from regard to reputation, is virtue, as distinct from religion. The practice of moral duties from sincere love to God and his laws, is virtue and religion. In this sense it is true, that virtue only makes our bliss below. Virtue is nothing but voluntary obedience to truth.

Vice: In ethics, any voluntary action or course of conduct which deviates from the rules of moral rectitude, or from the plain rules of propriety; any moral unfitness of conduct, either from defect of duty, or from the transgression of known principles of rectitude. Vice differs from crime, in being less enormous. We never call murder or robbery a vice; but every act of intemperance, all falsehood, duplicity, deception, lewdness and the like, is a vice. The excessive indulgence of passions and appetites which in themselves are innocent, is a vice. The smoking of tobacco and the taking of snuff, may in certain cases be innocent and even useful, but these practices may be carried to such an excess as to become vices. This word is also used to denote a habit of transgressing; as a life of vice. Vice is rarely a solitary invader; it usually brings with it a frightful train of followers.

My desire is to be obedient to truth. By trusting that God’s word is true, my desire naturally follows to be obedient to His word. I, like all of mankind, am so far from perfect, but it is a true and heartfelt desire of mine, a passion even, to be obedient to God. When one has received a love so immense, how else can one respond but with total surrender? So I pray that any vice that may be found in my life would be revealed to me and tossed in the flames. This continues to happen as God transforms my life, molds me. I am continually convicted about attitudes and actions that I display. One step at a time I am changed.

My thoughts go to Gladys Aylward, missionary to China in the 1930s, who was named by the people of her community, Ai-weh-deh, Virtuous Woman. Well named, she devoted her life to utter obedience to truth. What a beautiful example of virtue her life displayed. A great read about her life is Gladys Aylward: The Little Woman.

And next week I get to visit the home of another virtuous and inspiring woman, Corrie ten Boom. Can’t wait! The Hiding Place, written by Corrie ten Boom, is one of my absolute favorite books of all time, a very intense look into her own life.

So tomorrow morning I’m off to Fried Chicken, uh, I mean Amsterdam. I’m hoping to keep you posted on all we experience, and for fun I’ve added the Amsterdam clock at the top of the left sidebar. Let’s hope we all adjust quickly to the time difference!

amanda ∞

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Posted in Altered Art, Art, Art Journal, God's Word, Inspiring, Transformation adventure Amsterdam circle journal. fried chicken obedience truth vice virtue

Sep 14

Amsterdam bound

Amsterdam bound. Yes, I am, thanks to a dear friend who asked if I would join her on the Missions Focused trip with our church. With this trip, we will learn from our pastor, Jeff Adams, who will teach us about the missionary view and cultural sensitivity. I have heard of so many life-changing experiences from those who have attended this trip in past years, both in their worldview and understanding of God’s grace.

My friend, Wendy, has such a huge heart for reaching out to others. I’m sure this trip will be one of great growth for the both of us. I thought of sharing in my own words why this trip will be so amazing, but allowing my friend, Wendy, to share her story with you will be more than I could ever say.

Wendy’s Story:

But by the grace of God…..that is so true to my life. I had the husband, two children, two new cars, nice house in the suburbs. Then one day it was gone. The marriage was over, husband did not support us and in turn I could not support my children. He also made threats to harm my children, so I had to make one of the hardest choices of my life and place my children in my brother’s home for him to raise them for me. It was then and still today is the best choice for my children.

So then I had to try life on my own, well I always had God, but I didn’t access Him. I felt unworthy of God and his blessings. So I tried to control my life on my own…and guess what…it spun out of control. I got a great job for a major company making $38K a year. Bought a car and purchased a house. And oh yeah, the man….he promised me so much and gave so little. But I believed he loved me and if I stood by him and trusted him..well, I thought he would see his own mistakes. He had a gambling problem, drug problem and loved a life of drama.

He introduced me to the world of prostitution. At first he just asked me to come up with catchy little ads to run in the Pitch (a local newspaper here known for its sex ads). Then he would bring young girls home and ask me to talk to them about how to treat a man, to take the street at out of them, and explain to them how much they would receive and why we would keep their money. At first I thought I was helping them, since they all had drug addictions and would sell themselves for a piece of crack. He convinced me that we were showing them how to make more money to help themselves. I would clean them up, get them a nice outfit, new under clothes, shoes, take their pictures and post an ad on the internet. Didn’t take long to realize, they never got ANY of the money and he keep them under control by supplying them with their drug habits. Sure we gave them a place to stay and fed them, but I would soon find out the price they were paying was much higher than money alone.

The girls would all leave after time and next I was hearing how I didn’t try hard enough for our home. Even though I still had my job making $38K, I needed to do more. So one day I did. I posted an ad for myself. The phone rang 15 minutes later and I was off to my first “call”. I don’t remember being nervous on the way there. What I do remember was collecting $700 for a little less than two hours of my time. I remember walking out and getting to the car and crying all the way home. And then when I got home he was absolutely horrible to me. As a matter of fact he beat me the next day, so badly that I couldn’t go on my next “call” for two weeks, because of the bruises and cuts. Well, this became my life…I would go on calls and about every three weeks or so he would go into a rage and beat me. Each time took me to the hospital. Once I came home on crutches, once I was in shock and didn’t know my name, twice I had a broken collar bone, and once I bled until I passed out on my bedroom floor. But I always went back, I mean he would pick me up from the hospital. I can’t explain to you why, but all I wanted to do was go back to him. Twice I did go to a shelter for battered women, but I had him come and get me. I even went to Minnesota to live with my brother for three months, and guess what….that’s right I came home to him again. And after being home for two months…he had convinced me to start running ads and make him money again. By now the car and been repo’d, the house in foreclosure, and I had been arrested several times because I was taking the fall for him. Well between the second week of Sept to the last week of Nov. I had made over $40K selling myself, but I was getting evicted and never had any money and life just keep spinning.

Then the most amazing thing happened…I was arrested in Wyandotte County for prostitution. It was amazing because now I had a GOOD reason to stop or at least slow down. With all the money I had made he couldn’t even bail me out. I had to call my parents. My dad. I has daddy’s little girl and I had to tell him what I had done. But he loved me. He came and bailed me out. Had to wait seven hours outside the jail for them to release me, but he waited.

The courts had me go to this place called Veronica’s Voice. I had never heard of it and didn’t want to find out either. But it was go there or get a felony conviction for prostitution and go to prison. So I went. At first I hated it. Didn’t talk much and thought I was different. I’m not. Every single women I met there had been molested as a child (like me), been raped (like me) and choose prostitution for survival (like me). We were all just women broken. Needing love and support. God had an angel there waiting to reach out and help me. There was this wonderful family there, a mom and her two kids. They came every week to feed us lunch. The meals were incredible. You felt fed with love at the end of each meal. I began asking them questions about different things; cooking, music, art. I discovered that they attend my church. Wow, what are the chances of that? This is when I started to see God’s love for me and he uses everything in your life to bring you back to him and his love. I started going to church again. But this time I started to listen, not just hear. This time was different. This time I heard God answering. Not long after, that man…well he went to prison and within a couple of weeks, I stopped going on “calls”. I started to understand what I was learning in church, and believe it. That amazing mom that once fed me on Fridays..well her name is Amanda, and she began feeding me with God’s word. I became Amanda’s disciple, which was all part of God’s plan for me. I began to grow through Christ and suddenly life looked so different. And the day came when I just trusted the Lord for everything! No more worries. No more stress. Just grace and mercy and LOVE. Don’t get me wrong, I still have struggles, big ones even. But now I trust God to see me through them all. God has never lied to me, never let me down and most important…God has NEVER left my side.

I completed my sentence with the courts, but still am very active with Veronica’s Voice, I have a new job in which I get to help young adults with mental illness learn to live independently, I have been part of a documentary on prostitution, I was asked to speak on behalf Veronica’s Voice at a charity function. I have so many blessings in my life that it would take less time to count to stars than my blessings. I have a wonderful relationship with Christ, and I have devoted my life to do His will. God is awesome! Amen.

Over the past year, I have seen Wendy make the most God honoring choices, difficult choices. Her spiritual growth has in turn caused a greater passion and love for God in my own life. While I was supposed to be the mentor in the relationship, Wendy taught me time and time again about total reliance and faith in God’s providence. And she has been so patient, waiting on God’s timing.

Wendy felt very pulled to go on this trip to Amsterdam. When she asked me to go with her, she was confident that God would provide the money. I have no doubt she is right, and no doubt that this trip to Amsterdam is God calling her further into service for him.

The reality of Wendy’s financial state is not bright. She is now working two jobs to not only pay for the trip, but also to continue to stay above water with her daily living expenses. As one can imagine, a woman with a court record does not get paid a large salary. And she recently experienced vandalism to her car costing more financial pressure.

In an effort to help Wendy raise her funds, I have set up a chip in site for those who would like to contribute. All the money contributed will be sent to the church to be applied to her trip costs.

One very exciting side note for the both of us is that we will have the opportunity to work alongside some people in Amsterdam that minister to women caught in the life of prostitution. What a thrilling opportunity to carry on hope with Wendy’s own life story.

amanda ∞

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Posted in God's Word, God's leading, Hidden Art, Liberty, Relationships, Transformation, VERONICA's Voice Amsterdam Chip In life story missions prostitution

Jul 15

Summer Self Portrait = Meanderings While Sweating

I sit in the heat of summer with my familiar perspiration making my face glow. (If only the models would realize that sexy shine comes from SWEAT.) The windows are open this evening, fans pushing air through the house. I have come to love the heat of summer permeating the air of my home. I choose open windows over air conditioning. What began as stubbornness a few years ago has become my preference. I was tired of giving my money to the electric company as their rates continued to rise. Now I am thankful.

Each day this summer I awaken and run a load of laundry through the washer. Then I retreat to my art studio with espresso in hand. My Bible opens and I soak in God’s amazing and living Word. I feel it penetrate to that inner chamber, that same chamber that was once sealed shut. Now the doors are flung open hungry for more truth, more love, more life. And I am ready for this day ~ whether gladness or suffering comes my way, my foundation is beneath my feet.

The temperature rises, the laundry flaps and snaps on the line. Through the open windows I can hear the birds, the loud song of the cicada, the poetry of the cottonwood. When I step outside I am not struck by a wave of heat. The warmth of summer has already permeated my home and my bones. The out of doors beckons me. I no longer dread what summer has to offer, but embrace it. As I wash dishes the sweat runs off my head dripping as the steam rises from water. As I pull weeds, the sweat rolls down my chest. Dirt is in my fingernails. Ice cream is prepared, mosquitoes slapped. It is hot. It is summer.

amanda ∞

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Posted in God's Word, Hidden Art, Myself God's Word heat self portrait summer sweat

Jul 07

Floating

Self portrait from a joyous family reunion.

The effects of the Kansas wind also reflect the the cogs in my brain. I need a time of rest, a time for my windblown mind to settle.

I’ve finally made it to this place. I have nowhere to go and nothing to do. I’ve been looking at this space on my calendar since April, dreaming about how I would spend my time. Now that I am here I find myself floating. I feel incapable of doing anything. The school year was intense and we have been on the go since. While I have enjoyed each adventure, all the activity has taken its toll. I am undone and in a great need of rest.

What I envisioned for this week of summer was time in my art studio doing whatever I felt like. While this may still happen (tomorrow or the next day), today I am only able to read my magazines and pet my sweet dogs. Beyond that is unrest. So I will continue to float because I can. Thank you, Sark, for teaching me that it is okay to nap or daydream. Sometimes that is just the thing one needs to fill up again.

Isaiah 30:15a For thus saith the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel; In returning and rest shall ye be saved; in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength: …

This evening I go to pray with my church family which is beautiful, restful and passionate. Perhaps then my soul will realign with my spirit and I will once again be refreshed.

amanda ∞

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Posted in Balance, God's Word, God's leading, Hidden Art, Homeschooling, Liberty, Prayer floating Prayer rest wind

Mar 08

Re- freshed, Re- newed, Re- directed

The featured speaker at the Summit this year was Morgan Jackson from Faith Comes By Hearing. He was an incredible story teller, sharing stories of the Word of God impacting illiterate people through the audio Bible.

A great reminder received from Morgan Jackson is that God’s Word can be shared in stories. I do not have to recite Scripture referring to book, chapter and verse to share the Bible. Memorizing is difficult for me, but I can remember the idea or story, and the Bible is full of great stories. Perhaps I will be less likely to alienate others with recitation, and instead will engage them in dialogue on thoughts that emerge from stories.

I was also reminded of people I so easily forget. They seem so far removed from me, the poor, illiterate. Rather than keeping up on the latest cell phone, they communicate orally because they cannot read and do not have the means to purchase the latest technology. Our church is a fervent supporter of translating God’s Word into native people’s heart languages. How exciting to go even deeper and reach those who cannot read by sharing the spoken Word.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQBAXgLR6XA]

The Summit was so inspiring. Lately I have found myself in a rut. The lessons learned at the Summit allowed me to re-examine my priorities and my focus. I never want to become complacent or comfortable or a grumbler. To me that is death, but I was heading down that path. I can only thank God for redirecting me.

The first day of the Summit I immediately had to run to the studio and produce these pendants:

Both are Scripture cut from my ancient, dilapidated Bible. The horizontal one features the Scripture:

Isaiah 55:3 Incline your ear, and come unto me: hear, and your soul shall live; and I will make an everlasting covenant with you, even the sure mercies of David.

And the pendant with the cross says:

Galatians 5:1 Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.

amanda ∞

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Posted in Art, God's Word, God's leading, Liberty, Worship Faith Comes By Hearing Morgan Jackson soldered pendants storytelling Summit

Mar 06

Harvest

This last piece for the Summit is entitled Harvest. The face is of a child, so I added imagery from children’s books and encyclopedias. The clock was stamped by my mother-in-law when she was a child. The verses featured were:

John 4:35-36 Say not ye, There are yet four months, and then cometh harvest? behold, I say unto you, Lift up your eyes, and look on the fields; for they are white already to harvest. (36) And he that reapeth receiveth wages, and gathereth fruit unto life eternal: that both he that soweth and he that reapeth may rejoice together.

The wheat is from my grandfather’s field the year that he died, and the dirt is from my back yard. Our basset-lab was kind enough to dig a fresh hole for me. The sides are cut from an old farm journal.

While I was gluing everything down with gel medium, I was reminded of the 4th grade. Being bored in class, I had spread glue on the palms of my hands and was peeling off the dried glue when the teacher noticed. She thought that was the strangest thing I could be doing. I thought it was cool how the glue came off in sheets and I could still see the lines and wrinkles from my hands. And here I was again peeling glue off my fingers after having such a wonderful time spreading it all over this final piece. Maybe I am strange, but glue makes me happy.

amanda ∞

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Posted in Altered Art, Art, God's Word, God's leading, Prayer, Worship Collage dirt harvest mixed media sheep wheat

Mar 05

Providence

The focus verse that was used for this year’s Summit is Esther 4:14b.

Esther 4:14b and who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this?

In the last couple months, our pastor taught through the book of Esther. Wow. I loved learning and applying what was being taught. In Esther, God’s name is never mentioned. God is represented by Providence. Esther was created to be queen to save the children of Israel from annihilation.

During the teaching on Esther, the topic of providence and purpose in each of our lives was heavily implied. This can be a difficult topic for me when I am in the throws of depression from Seasonal Affective Disorder, but knowing the truth, that God has a purpose even for me while I am dealing with depression, helps me to find joy within my winter days.

And here is step by step, Providence: